Why was 8 afraid of 9?
Wrong. Because 9 might bite him.
First, let me say it: I am not a Barcelona “fan”. I do not break out a Messi jersey to go play five a side in the park on Sundays, I don’t have pictures of Neymar compiled in a scrapbook, and I am fully capable of saying the letter S, rather than TH. However, as a neutral, there is no club I would rather watch play.
Barça very nearly sent All 3 finalists to the Ballon d’Or ceremony for the world’s best player but more important than the personal achievements is that these individual stars play Together so well. Messi, Luis Suarez, and Neymar each offer a different skill set, yet they are able to weave across one another and interchange position fluidly in the run of the game.
The Blaugrana are on an incredible run, unbeaten in their last 33 matches, which is why Arsenal will be aiming for the soccer equivalent of an 8th grader with a skateboard. They have no realistic intention of landing that kick flip, but as long as they look like they might know what they’re doing, avoid getting hurt, and act mad about the result afterward, they can walk away with dignity intact.
If the board is off the ground, coolness has been achieved
A word about the members of MSN, Heavy on the S:
MESSI: If you don’t already know how absurdly good Messi is, well then it saddens me to know that 1 of 8 people that reads this blog arrived here by mistake after trying to type “Old Bug Hand Zapper.” Even my 88 year old Great Uncle Jimmy has heard of “that Messi feller.” Messi is perpetually fantastic, but the increased effectiveness of Suarez and Neymar has been the primary reason for Barcelona’s jump in form this year.
LUIS SUAREZ: It’s hard to believe that the Goals AND Assists leader in the best league in the world is underrated, but that seems to be the case. Although he is beginning to get the recognition his play deserves, he was snubbed from being a Ballon d’Or finalist. Spain would be the third country in which he has led the league in scoring, but more impressive than the numbers is the diverse nature of the goals he scores: headers, free kicks, laser strikes, wonder volleys, Occasionally beating defenders off the dribble, poacher goals, pressuring defenders to make mistakes, etc. His Thomas Muller-esque knack for being in the right place in the right time is far from “luck,” it is a testament to his work rate and and elite instincts.
To detract from Suarez by saying that “There is more to soccer than scoring goals” is not only wrong, it’s also missing the brilliance of Suarez’s game. Even when he is not scoring goals, his high intensity pressure and consistency making dangerous runs cause defenders massive headaches, and they’ve still got two more superstars to worry about.
Epitome of Suarez: Hustles after a long punt, anticipates and reads one step ahead of everyone else, and scores a nice finish with his only touch on the play.
NEYMAR: Until about a year ago, I would have said Fancy, Flashy, Flicks and Tricks, but ultimately more hype than substance. With all his technical gifts, he always had the tools to try and follow in Messi’s footsteps, but it is his Iniesta-like creation of chances for teammates after opening windows with his gaudy 1v1 skills that has taken him from a highlight reel sensation to Champions’ League winning Ballon D’Or finalist. And when you are going to bigtime award shows, you have the ultimate opportunity to be fancy.
Degrees of Mourinho:
That hat.
In 1999, Jose Mourinho with his supercool hat was an assistant for a Barcelona team whose staff and squad including the current managers of Barcelona (Luis Enrique), Bayern Munich (Pep Guardiola), Manchester United (Louis Van Gaal), Ajax (Frank De Boer), PSV Eindhoven (Philip Cocu), and Southampton (Ronald Koeman).
Originally hired as a “translator,” Jose never got his chance to come back and take the helm for Barca, but as an antagonistic rival while managing Real Madrid, Inter Milan, and Chelsea, the Barcelona fans grew to resent him “more than Luis Figo” (who transferred from Barcelona to Madrid in 2000). Mourinho sadly said, “I’m not stupid enough to think that this hate can be turned into love…It is clear that I will end my career without having coached Barça.”
Why YOU Should Root for Barca: You appreciate greatness. You spent all your money on Tom Emanski’s baseball instructional videos, so you need some free “How to Play Soccer” footage. Or because Barcelona is the only team in the world having as much fun as the Golden State Warriors.
Why You Shouldn’t: They are the Favorites. Picking them is like picking the USSR in the 1980 Winter Olympics. Sure, it’s the safest bet if you’re putting money on the tournament. Sure they are the best team. Sure the Soviets waltzed their way to a gold medal without batting an eye. Oh wait…USA! USA! USA!
How Far will they Go? Early in the season, Messi missed two months with a knee injury. After losing their first league game without him and falling to 4th in the standings, the expectation to tread water while he was out looked in doubt. By the time Messi returned two months later, as a substitute in the 56th minute of The El Clasico on Nov. 21, Messi-less Barça had climbed 3 points clear of first and was leading Real Madrid 3-0. I am in no way saying Barça is better without Messi, that’s ridiculous. I am saying they may have already been the best team in the world without him. Then you reinsert the world’s best player…Barcelona Champs Again
Was Ask Jeeves taken?: Nicknaming Barcelona stars Messi, Suarez, and Neymar “MSN,” seems a little lazy, though they could have gone the even lazier American sports route of naming Any semi-decent trio of players “The Big Three.” If anything, MSN is just a bit underwhelming. These are 3 of the top 5 players in the world, that is Google or Facebook caliber, not MSN. Besides, with Suarez’s proclivity for biting, maybe S ‘n’ M would be better suited?
Bonus: Last year’s Barcelona preview was a bit like Smeagol fighting his inner Gollum, but overall worth checking out if you can’t get enough Barça, because A) It’s still incredibly applicable, B) It’s probably more entertaining (and shorter) than this year’s, and C) It was So Freaking Right.
Old Big Head Soccer 
